Success during failure.

 If you're in a situation where it feels like everything is failing, don't worry, it isn't.

The fact is things just aren't going your way with that thing. I'm currently sat in my tent at 10:45pm talking into my phone so I don't have to type in the dark. I've forgotten to pack a bunch of things that you usually need for camping for example; a head torch, because it gets dark especially in the New Forest and I have to make it across the lumpy bumpy ground to get to the toilet. It is so much easier when you can see where you're going. 

When I was pitching my tent this afternoon I needed to move one of the pegs because it wasn't quite in the right place. No big deal. It happens. Just pull it out and try again. But nope. The tree root I had unwittingly smashed my giant peg into had other ideas. It was going to hold on to my peg for dear life to the point where I had to wrestle with it for an hour..... Yes one whole hour of digging into the ground with another tent peg just to try and get my original tent peg out of a tree root. That was at 4:00 p.m. it's now almost 11:00 p.m. and my arms are still hurting from the exertion. 

Things weren't going right in that moment, so I decided to remember a line from a book that I've been reading. It's called The Island. It was written by Max Brooks and it is about Minecraft the video game. It's a novelised version of playing Minecraft for the first time. In the game you are  dropped into a world, have absolutely nothing and yet you must survive. Part way into the book the character decides to make up rules for himself. Partially to keep himself sane and partially so he can remember when times are tough, what he should do. And the one I remembered was "Panic drowns thought". He was talking about literal drowning in the book. The character was in the middle of the ocean and trying desperately hard to remember how to swim. I just had to remind myself of that and remember I can solve this problem if I remain calm. It is a tent peg and it is stuck a tree. Annoying, for sure, but worth getting angry, frustrated, upset over? No. I'm a 39-year-old woman. I have seen many things in life, I've done my fair share of DIY, I've seen builders trying to work through problems. This one was not insurmountable. It was just going to take effort. And boy was that true. 

Still here is that tent peg. I won. 

I used the tools I had to hand. I used them in for a.purpose they were not designed for. But I had resources, I had the knowledge and I had the capability. I just had to put all of them together into one piece of effort. And I succeeded. 

Am I having the best time right now? No. I have been reminded of the amount of things that I've forgotten, the things that are regular on a camping list that I'm missing from my bags. I'm missing my husband despite the fact that having these solo camps is important for me to have some time by myself what join no I want and need. 

Do I feel like I'm failing this? Yes. Should I have just done better 12 hours ago and checked everything like I usually do? Yes. But am I going to fail? No. I have a tent I have the ability to sleep in peace I have everything I need. I am missing a few things to make things a bit more comfortable or a bit more to plan. But I have the resources to make do, I have the knowledge to make do and I have the capability to make do. I just need to put them all together along with some effort and I will succeed. 

I will succeed. I can do this. 

Until next time 

Xx