Remember to look at where you started.

 Sometimes I feel like I am not achieving anything and it gets me down. I feel anxieties over not being enough or not achieving enough. But in those moments I have to remember where I have come from. 

During lockdown in 2020, I made the decision to learn how to sew. I didn't know how to sew apart from vague memories from senior school and the hard lesson in looking after pins when my teacher refused to let us out for break because we had misplaced one! 

I felt like learning the skill would come in handy and so I bought a sewing machine for £50 from a local lady and set to work. Well I did a deep dive into YouTube to find simple things that I could make with little knowledge or skill. It was difficult at first because just learning your way round a sewing machine can prove tricky, but I got the hang of it and ended up going from making a tiny pin cushion pillow and getting to making a 2 legged velvet dinosaur for my son. 

Each thing I made turned into the next best thing ever. I even ended up making enough to have a craft stall at local markets. Many hours were spent buying more fabric, more thread, more needles and spending more time making a racket in the lounge in the evenings. 

Then I branched out into clothes. I have made a dress, three pairs of trousers and 2 tops. It is such a thing of pride to wear something you have made. I was getting compliments from my work colleagues about how nice they were but I still felt doubts in myself. I knew where all of the untidy seams were and where they didn't fit perfectly. I didn't feel like I was good enough. 

But then I had to remember where I began. I had no idea what I was doing only a couple of years ago. I had no idea how to thread my machine, never mind making something that I could actually wear and with confidence! 

My son has had occasion to need a costume for school and I have just grabbed fabric from my stash and got to it. I've made halloween outfits, customised world book day outfits and made bags for gifts at christmas. I felt confident in what I was doing because of the time and practise I had put into the skill. I can still do this and I doubt it will be a skill that I will forget now. 

The same can be said for YouTube. When I feel like I am not doing well enough, not getting enough views or subscribers, I need to remind myself that I had no clue what I was doing only a few months ago. Now I can take videos I have made, stitch them together, add photos, graphics, music, make a thumbnail and upload it within minutes if need be. I can do this. Just like anyone else who has a channel. I am making things at my pace within my skill level and each time I am improving. I am noticing the editing that is being done in movies like never before. I can appreciate the creators of YouTube to a much higher level than ever before. I can see things I never saw before. I have improved. 

Past me is very proud of what I can do and I hope I can continue to make her proud. 

Until next time 

xx